在帮助他人时加入社会联结

事实上，任何形式的亲社会行为都会增强真正的幸福感。与此同时，一些研究发现和社会联结有关的亲社会行为会带来某些特别的益处。在一项由加拿大西蒙弗雷泽大学所做的实验中，研究者送给参与实验的大学生每人10美元星巴克代金券。在帮助他人时加入社会联结 - 图1这本身就已让人非常开心了。然而研究者发现，如何使用这些代金券会进一步影响这些同学的开心程度。有些人自己花掉了这张代金券，还有些人选择把它送人。但那些收获了最多快乐的同学的做法是将前两者结合：他们带上自己的朋友，用这张代金券给自己和别人埋单。

所以下回当你希望为别人做些什么的时候，记得增加一些社交体验在其中。别忘了，我们在前面曾提到过，那些和体验相关的礼物比物质类的礼物更好，因为它们当中融入了社会联结的经历。我的一位学生希望送给他的女朋友一份假期礼物，他本可以选择项链或者名牌鞋，但他没有，而是计划并实施了一场二人的自然探索之旅。“这份礼物为我们留下了许多美好回忆，令人至今难忘，”他如此说道，“我们在此起彼伏的山川间漫步，一路饱览了许多美丽的风景。又在海边美丽的树林中度过了难忘的一周，以欣赏壮美的日落作为旅途的终点。如今我们仍时常回味那次旅行，想起在远足之后享用的美味蓝莓派和冰激凌。”

他在开始规划旅程时，起初只是希望女朋友能为此开心。但就像那些带着朋友一起享用星巴克的学生一样，在之后的旅途中，他自己也得到了快乐。“送出这份礼物的意外之处在于，我自己也从中收获良多。这次旅行不但让我的女朋友惊喜不已，至今念念不忘，还让我有机会和她一起，度过了一段幸福难忘的时光。”

若我们只能通过一项指标去衡量一个人的幸福感，我们会选择他的社会联结程度。与他人的联结会带给你对未来的期待，对过去的美好回忆，并为你的身体健康、心理健康和智力发挥提供一个良好的支持系统。当你在计划如何使用自己的时间和金钱时，请记得创造一些机会和他人一起分享。哪怕是暂时没有足够的钱去买对方最喜欢的球队比赛的门票，或是去到那个心仪已久的目的地旅行，只要你愿意与人为善，帮助他人，并和别人分享你的经历，这些都能为你带来幸福感。一份带有社会联结的礼物绝对会是最好的礼物，无论对送出者还是收礼人而言，它都会让你们变得更加快乐。

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  • Kemp, S., Burt, C.D.B., & Furneaux, L. “A Test of the Peak-End Rule with Extended Autobiographical Events,” Memory & Cognition 36 (2008):132– 38.

  • Ibid., 137.

  • Van Boven, L., Campbell, M.C., & Gilovich, T., “Stigmatizing Materialism:On Stereotypes and Impressions of Materialistic and Experiential Pursuits,”Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 36 (2010): 551–563.

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  • Ibid., 120.

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  • Ibid., 257.

  • Ybarra, O., Winkielman, P., Yeh, I., Burnstein, E., & Kavanagh, L., “Friends(and Sometimes Enemies) with Cognitive Benefits: What Types of Social Interactions Boost Executive Functioning?” Social Psychological & Personality Science 2 (2011): 253– 261.

  • Ibid., 256.

  • Dunn, E.W., Aknin, L.B., Norton, M.I., “Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness,” Science 319 (2008): 1687– 1688.

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  • Nelson, S.K., Layous, K., Cole., S.W., & Lyubomirsky, S., “Do unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing,” Emotion 16 (2016): 850– 861.

  • Ibid., 856.

  • Ibid., 859.

  • Sheldon, K.M., Boehm, J.K., & Lyubomirsky, S., “Variety Is the Spice of Happiness: The Hedonic Adaptation Prevention (HAP) Model,” in The Oxford Handbook of Happiness, eds. Boniwell, I. & David, S. (Oxford:Oxford University Press, 2012), 901– 914.

  • Ibid., 911.

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  • Ibid., 1412.

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